about the boy...

and as we stood there sharing life, allowing rain to drip off every surface of our bodies, while the stars watched the night evolve into morning, he told me he feared hurting me. and it is this idea of hurting that has me thinking this week. and i cannot refute that to love is to remain vulnerable. and vulnerable to what? to pain, rejection, suffering, and much i am unaware of. so it is with this idea that i take the risk of him hurting me. and i think it is inevitable that he will hurt me and i him, we are human and far from perfection, to love is to hurt. but let's not take the "L" word too seriously right now. and i fear it too: the pain, the intimacy, the risk...i am so very terrified of this boy, yet at the same time there is something so safe when we are togheter. when we sit as close as possible to the waves, silent, and it is as if God is dancing for us. when we don't have to speak, when neither of us can shut-up. this is all so very strange to me. i have never been so thoughtful in a relationship before. but now with all of the time i've had to ponder romance, friendship, how the two work together, at times i begin to lace up my shoes to run. but this is a risk i am willing to take.
you should know sean is a marvel... he is a historian and artist. plays flamenco and chess. sings and walks. he is humility, kindness, giving, imagination, walking, listening, contemplating. he is eye-glasses and boating shoes, antique shopping and eavesdropping, the ballet, hikes and lighthouses. i am certain there is much he is yet to reveal of himself. more than it all, he reminds me of Jesus. we are friends who like to walk in the rain, drink tea and read, be together without talking, fantasize about the lives of old men and wonder at magnalia Dei.

sigh.