Dissapointments

For some reason i'm so sensitivive to the possibility of dissapointing people. and a lot of the times I act in the ways that I think will dissapoint the least number of people. Last night Sean and I decided to skip the Burns night event and just eat in the regular dining area of the pub, which of course I didn't want to do, but we didn't want anyone to feel obligated to pay $25 or not come because of the money. Furthermore, when I suggested to the hostess that some of our party might go into the event and some stay at the table, she rolled her eyes making it clear that would drive her crazy. And we concluded that we could always go to one next year. After the decision was made and I realized some people really would have wanted to go to the event I felt even worse. To top things off i'm certain I magnified anyone's dissapointment in my mind either way, and doubt anyone really thought twice about.
I'm glad the whole scenario played out as it did, because today I realize how unhealthy that way of thinking is. I want to be able to hold to what I say i'm going to do or desire and not waiver when I learn that it would hurt, exclude, or offend someone. It must be an amazing thing to make a decision and not feel guilty about it.
I'm glad it means so much to me that people are happy or included, but I need to learn to not feel responsible. And remain free to do things in my life that will upset people.
All in all I saw many of my favorite people last night, which after everything is said and done is what matters, is what will last. Fifty years from now I will not remember my concerns about the evening but my friends and family happy and healthy, faces glowing, laughs bouncing around the table, enjoying life as young adults, ready to pursue our dreams, and loving this time that our paths have crossed.