sometimes i truly believe that i will never fall in love. i sit at home on the weekends with my books, journals, and scrabble, preparing myself for a single-adult life. i pep-talk in the mirror, reassuring myself that I am kind, slightly-comical and decent looking. perhaps i am destined for a higher purpose--a nun?

I am 20 years old and haven't had a date in eons. Maybe i'm too picky, well I know i'm picky...but how can i help that? I know what i'm compatible with, is that so bad? i shouldn't settle, but i shouldn't ignore every guy either. is there something i'm missing? do i hang out at the wrong coffee shops? do i give off the lesbian vibe? do i look like a lesbian? my mom thought i was a lesbian...do i really look like a lesbian?
maybe i'm boring.
shouldnt' i be out practicing relational skills. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise, God sparing me heartbreak before I do find the right guy. And i confuse myself, because even if a guy were to come along right now, i highly doubt i would be ready for a relationship. I have such a long list of of things to do while i'm single that i could probably go another 10-15 years before i settle down. But if a guy did come along would I change that?
And this is how I think?? This is probably why...I think to much. Waaaaay too much sometimes. I need to stop thinking. It makes sense, if you're a girl, don't think just agree with everything any guy says, make your interestes the same as his and get a boyfriend (i'm kidding, i know not all girls are dumb, just some and i happen to know most of the some). Not anyone who's reading this of course. :). I digress. I am half full of discourage and equally full of hope--is that possible?--it must be, i'm experiencing it. someone is out there for me--this i believe and will cling to when i am tempted to join the local nunnery.